The Hearts of Lions and Metal Men
by forensicpathologistninja
Summary: Lamb's installment of the "Hold Me Together" series. Read the other three stories first!
1. The Sounds of Dying Dreams

Hearts of Lions and Metal Men

Regardless of when this is published, it is meant to be read last, as it kind of explains everything and ties all the weird little questions you may have regarding my VMverse together. I promised it would all make sense, so here it is.

That said, I also plan on writing a couple chapters from Alicia, Wallace, Mac, and maybe even Dick's POVs. But Veronica, Logan, and Lamb's are really the essential ones for understanding what's going on. Also, read them in that order.

"A Sound Like Angels Falling" "Hold Me Together As I Fly Apart" "Picking Up Her Pieces" and "Hearts of Lions and Metal Men"

**90909**

You think about pulling Keith off of Woody Goodman's plane, in that last second before it is too late (and only later do you find out that 'too late' didn't just mean for your photo op). But, in a rare moment of bravery, and decency, you decide to cut the man some slack. He'd worked hard, and he deserved this, right? Besides, it's not like the Fitzpatricks could really get angry at you for letting the man have a fucking photo op, right? They were explicit in their instructions, and letting Keith Mars have a shining moment because you were too damned lazy to run all the way to the hanger to stop the plane? Wasn't on the long list. Though you suspected it might make it there after this little debacle.

How wrong you were floors you.

Who would have thought that the first time in years that you actually kept yourself from being an asshole to someone in the Mars family was the one time you should have stuck with the same old-same old?

The moment you get the call about the fiery ball in the sky, your only thought is to find Veronica before anyone else can tell her what's happened.

This isn't news she should get from a stranger. Not that you're much better in her book, but at least you know to be gentle.

Because really, this isn't news she should be getting at all.

But the time for you to correct _that_ little error has come and gone, leaving you to choke on it's dust.

Halfway to the Neptune Grande, you get the call about Cassidy Casablancas taking up his final calling as a gruesome hood ornament on some unsuspecting person's car (later you find out it was Madison Sinclair, and feel a rush of sick satisfaction), and you can't for the life of you figure out how the two incidents are connected, but somehow, you know it's too late to save Veronica from hearing bad news from a stranger.

This makes you drive faster.

**90909**

_As a child, your life was anything but charmed. Your mother was a tiny slip of a woman, married to a violent, scary man. He loved you though, and this kind of made it worse. He loved you, doted on you, played with your emotions, all while backhanding your mother for creating your sister instead of another boy._

_When Amanda was born, you got to name her. At the time, your little four year old self thought it was the coolest thing in the whole world. When you got older, you figured out it was because your father didn't want a girl and therefore didn't care what she was called (he had his own names for her anyway) and your mother was too depressed by this point to really care either._

_But you loved Amanda. She had soft blond hair and big blue eyes, and as she grew, the ringlets turned golden and the eyes hazel, and she could steal your breath with one simple look. She was the first girl who had you wrapped, and you would have done anything to protect her._

_Your father hid what he did to her well. You never would know how long he'd been going into her room at night for something other than to chase monsters from beneath the bed, but you suspect it started around the time she turned five, and your mother killed herself. After that, your father saw Mandi as a replacement of sorts, and though you couldn't quite put your finger on it, there was something you hated about the way he talked to her. Gradually, you started coming between them, saving her from him, keeping her from the worst of his rages, making sure she knew she was loved. Because seriously, you would have done anything to protect her._

_You were at school when your father pushed her down the stairs._

_You were at school, and then you, at fifteen years old, came home to find the body of your eleven year old sister sprawled out by the banister._

_You didn't see your father again until the trial, when he yelled at you for betraying him, and yelled at the judge that he was the victim here, and yelled at the sky for taking his baby away from him._

_You knew he didn't mean Mandi, he meant you, and your betrayal, and this knowledge made the bile rise in your throat._

_You made it a point never to visit the man in prison, and when he died, you let his body go unclaimed._

**90909**

When you reach the Neptune Grande, and race from your car over to the tiny blond pixie with glazed eyes, you are completely and utterly appalled to see that she's being read her rights. Once you regain your ability to speak, you inform the woman that she'd better remember to clear it with you before trying to arrest anyone else tonight if she wants to keep her job.

Then you uncuff Veronica, and gently chafe her wrists, as you take in her appearance. She's pale and can barely keep her bloodshot eyes open. You're certain she's not really even sure it's you touching her, since, if memory serves, she'd probably tear you a new one if she did.

But you don't really care about what she should think of you right now.

Because, clearly, she knows about her father, and this means Cassidy Casablancas had something to do with the plane crash, and probably something to do with the bus crash, since that's the latest thing Keith had to investigate because you were still waiting for the go-ahead from the Fitzpatricks.

You decide then and there that you're not going to be under their thumb anymore, not where Veronica is concerned. You don't care what they threaten you with; you'll keep her hidden under lock and key if you have too, but you've done more than enough to hurt her already, and you're not going to keep it up.

You don't want to hurt her any more tonight; you want to send her home with that Echolls kid (who, despite your initial misgivings, has turned out to be nothing but perfect for her). Then you want to call the man you're paying hundreds of dollars a week to, and figure out why the hell he wasn't with her.

But you can't. First, you know that you have to question her about what happened, then you have to send her clothes to forensics and probably her to the hospital, if the way she's flinching away from your soft touch on her arms is any indication, and you really just wish, more than anything, that you could bundle her up in your arms and take her home and put her to bed, but you just don't have that right anymore, so you do the next best thing. When she refuses to let go of Logan when you need to question her, you let him come into the room as well.

The way she sits, curled up in his arms, she looks like the small child she was when you first met her, and this makes your heart break (because then she reminds you of another little blond girl, and you almost can't stop the tears).

**90909**

_When you moved to Neptune, Keith Mars was sheriff and he took you under his wing, let you into his home, his family. He was the father yours never was. You loved the Mars household. Little Veronica, the sheriff's six year old daughter, quickly took to you, and you found yourself holding her in your lap and reading her bedtime stories, like you'd done for your own little sister, years before (before your father had stolen Mandi's innocence and then stolen her life). The house always smelled like fresh bread, and you quickly learned this was because it was the only thing Veronica could make. You taught her to bake cakes and pies and ziti, but her bread always remained your favorite. It smelled like home._

_For a couple years, you were Veronica's confidante and friend, until she started growing and maturing in ways you weren't allowed to think about (and honestly, as sexy as she was, this wasn't hard; the wide eyed innocence and the golden hair reminded you too much of your own little sister). Then, in the way that little girls have, she kissed you on the cheek and told you that she couldn't be your best friend anymore, because she was a girl, and you were a boy, and girls and boys weren't allowed to be just friends._

_Then Lilly Kane replaced you in her life. That chick was always taking something from you. Not that you disliked the girl, not by a long shot, but she really was trouble with a capital 'T' (and later you'd find out that rhymes with 'C' and that stands for Cassidy fucking Casablancas). You didn't hate her. But you resented her just a little, because you'd spent so long as Keith's golden boy and Veronica's best friend that you'd kind of forgotten to get any real friends your own damn age to play with, and when Lilly stole Veronica away from you, she essentially left you alone. But you knew it wasn't intentional, so you overlooked it, and smiled and waved at the giggling girls when they came to see Keith after school, and you refused to let yourself be mad at an 11 year old for stealing you only friend, because that just made you pathetic._

_You grew closer to Sachs, and to Keith, but never really to anyone else._

_And then you lost Keith too, also because of Lilly Kane._

_But the fact that you completely and utterly lost Veronica Mars?_

_That was all you._

_Well, you and Liam Fitzpatrick._

_You'd never hated a man more than you hated him the day Veronica came crying to your office, claiming rape._

_Because his edict meant that you couldn't risk doing anything about it. Veronica deserved justice, she deserved a friend who wouldn't turn their back on her, she deserved a sheriff who wouldn't laugh in her face for being raped. She deserved you doing your goddamned fucking job, but you couldn't, because she was just a little girl, and Liam had made it very clear what exactly would happen to her if you helped her family in any way. And the end result would be much worse for the little blond angel than your betrayal was._

_It still burned in your gut to turn her away. You managed to keep it together though, just barely._

_Until you walked into the lobby and saw the look Inga gave you._

_Then you spent an hour draped over the toilet, heaving your guts out._

_You were beyond relieved when she started fighting back._

**90909**

Once you finally finished getting Logan's statement (because Veronica didn't want to talk at first, just sat silently in Logan's arms, still in shock), everyone was exhausted. Especially Veronica. When she finally started responding to your questions, it was in one word sentences that quickly became mere shakes of her head as she sank lower in Logan's lap and began to drift off, unable to keep her eyes opened.

"Take her home, Logan," you tell him with a sigh. "I'll check back in tomorrow."

As soon as they were gone, you took out your phone. Learning from Veronica that Aaron Echolls was staying in the Grande made it easier for you to understand Clarence's absence in Veronica's time of need; he'd probably been keeping an eye on Aaron, but the man still had a shitload to answer for.

**90909**

_The day you first figured out just how serious Liam Fitzpatrick was about hurting you and Veronica if you disobeyed his orders was the day Jake Kane paid you a visit._

_Or, more accurately, the day his bodyguard paid you a visit._

_Jake Kane, at the time, thought Veronica Mars to be his bastard child, and that his wife may decide to take drastic measures against the girl._

_He wanted your help watching Veronica, because he didn't know how to watch his wife without her finding out. The only reason he came to you with this was to warn you not to take any claims the girl might have about a scaring black man following her to heart._

_This gave you an idea. Clarence would be tailing Veronica anyway… so you offered him a thousand a week to keep her safe from anyone related to the Fitzpatricks. After he talked it over with Jake, who agreed, he accepted._

_In the back of your mind, you knew there had to be more motive behind their easy acquiesce, but you chose not to dwell on it._

_It never once occurred to you that they suspected Liam of having something to do with Lilly's death. Nor did it ever occur to you that perhaps Celeste was involved with the Fitzpatricks._

**90909**

The next morning dawned brightly, a painful contrast to your feelings towards what you had to do today. Clarence hadn't answered his phone last night, and though you were sure it was nothing, you couldn't help but worry. Anything concerning Veronica would worry you right now.

Two hours later, you were on your way to the station, speeding like you never had before, because the call came in that Aaron Echolls was dead.

And the person he'd been with? Kendall Casablancas. You had it on good authority that she was working for the Fitzpatricks, though something told you that she wasn't the one who killed Aaron. She never seemed smart enough to you. Which could mean that she was just too smart to get caught, but Clarence being in the same hotel as the man who murdered his boss' daughter the same night said man gets murdered himself? Yeah, Keith is the one who taught you not to believe in coincidences.

So really, the only thing to do was to figure out just exactly why and how the Casablancas family managed to be at the root of the latest Neptune drama.

**90909**

_Your second year as a deputy, you meet a man who you have to jail for attacking the man who defiled his baby sister. You've never hated yourself more than you did at that moment._

_The thing is, they are devoutly Muslim, as is the man his sister had fallen in love with. And now, according to Muslim law, the man cannot marry the girl because she's unclean._

_"Do you know what it sounds like when dreams die, Deputy Lamb?" the brother asks you._

_You don't remember your answer, but some years later, you'll remember this night, and wish you'd told the man that it sounded a lot like a crashing plane or the click of send._

**90909**

Eventually, you manage to piece together that while Clarence probably killed Aaron Echolls, it wasn't Jake or Celeste that hired him to do it. You chose to assume that the reason lies in his threatening posture when he confronted Veronica on the elevator. He had it coming.

You don't have time to worry about suicides anyway, and with the help of the medical examiner, and permission (actually he begged you) from Logan, Aaron Echolls becomes the first person in the world to commit suicide by shooting himself in the _back_ of the head (of course, your report says something different).

You'd rather focus your energy on getting everyone who poses a threat to Veronica behind bars.

**90909**

_When Veronica was twelve years old, you met Liam Fitzpatrick for the first time._

_He was a rude, vile man, and you never wanted to be on the same planet, much less the same room, as him ever again._

_You and Keith were on a stakeout, and you can't even remember what the goal or the target were, but you do remember hearing the gunshot, and you remember the gruesome scene inside the warehouse._

_Most of all, you remember listening when Keith told you not to shoot._

_This is the night that throws into sharp relief all the things you've ever done wrong. This is the night that trumps all your other mistakes._

_This is the night you will remember with sickening clarity when, three years later, Liam Fitzpatrick makes it clear that you are not to help anyone in the Mars family under any circumstances._

_This is the night that you forever remember as the one thing you'd be willing to go to jail for._

_It is the night you stopped regretting the lives you'd taken, and started regretting the ones you hadn't._

**90909**

Not long after the incident at the Grande, Jake and Celeste Kane officially move out of the country and take Clarence with them. Now it's up to you to protect Veronica.

But you haven't seen her since that night, and there's no possible reason you could give for visiting her. You know she's been at her apartment with Logan Echolls, and you know, based on what you see while "casually driving by" her apartment, that she refuses to see anyone else. Wallace and Alicia and Mac and her family all try to visit and leave again only minutes later, looking sad and worried.

You finally give up pretense and just sit outside of the Sunset Cliffs complex all day, and some nights.

Finally, one morning, Wallace catches out there, and tells you to just go the fuck away, because you could have prevented all this, you_ should_ have prevented all this, and you didn't.

And again, the second time in three years that you decide to admit that the people you pretend to hate may be right, and you listen because you're not an asshole anymore? Is the second time you should have just ignored them and continued being an ass.

Because the next morning finds Logan Echolls and Wallace and Alicia in your office, ordering you to open a missing persons file for Veronica. Apparently she ran away before dawn, and you weren't there to see it – prevent it.

You almost bite your tongue when you see the look on the Fennel boy's face, but your track record for having your kindness blow up in your face pretty much sucks, and there's too much on the line now for you to bet on chance.

So as you breeze past the boy, you mumble "Bet I could have stopped her if I'd _been _there, Fennel."

God dammit if you hadn't forgotten what it felt like to have one of your jibes hurt somebody. The look on his face twists your gut, and it reads like white dresses and teary eyes and _"I need to report a crime"_.

After this is over, you're getting a new damn job.


	2. The Tin Man

Hearts of Lions and Metal Men

Well kids, here it is… Lamb's POV… and let me just say… I didn't even realize the significance of my Wizard of Oz reference (in the title) until now. And that's sad. But… onward!

90909

You call Veronica and leave her a vaguely annoyed message, then can't stop yourself from adding that she should come home. You're determined not to be an ass anymore, even if it kills you (but not if it kills her).

The 40 hours you wait for the tip are the longest of your life.

But then it comes, and you know where she is, and you and Logan break every speeding law known to man on the way to the little Texan motel that housed your little slip of a girl.

And you gasp when you see her. You haven't seen this girl in over a week, and the change is terrifying. She is much thinner than you remember, and her skin is tight and pale, littered with unexplained bruises that probably come from being in a constant daze and running into things. The bruises under her eyes, however, are from lack of sleep, and it kills you to think that she stays up at night torturing herself.

"Veronica?" you ask, softly, and she just looks dully through you, like her tired mind can't quite process your words. You try again.

"Veronica, sweetie, it's Sheriff Lamb. Logan is here too. We've come to bring you home."

She still doesn't respond to you, just sits curled in on herself, rocking, and you wonder if this means you'll have to carry her. You should have known better though… Logan Echolls probably wouldn't let anyone else touch her right now, not with the state she's in.

Then a thought strikes you. "When's the last time you ate, Mars?" you ask, and you can't quite manage to make your voice as biting as it should have been.

She doesn't respond at all, doesn't even seem to know you're there. But when Logan touches her shoulder, she leans in to him, and wraps her arms around his torso, burying her face in his chest.

Logan pulls her into his lap, and hands you the keys to his beloved Xterra. He doesn't let go of Veronica until he has to, to buckle his own seatbelt. You don't think you see him let go of her again.

90909

_After that first time – "Why don't you go see the Wizard, ask him for a little backbone?" she became a hard, spitfire bitch. You like it – to be honest, if she wasn't young enough to be your sister, it'd probably turn you on (except that her eyes sometimes seem hazel in the right light, and she's still about the same size Mandi was, the last time you saw her)._

_The next time you saw her, she had evidence on the Lilly Kane case. It was before Abel Koontz confessed, but after you'd found "evidence" that pointed to someone other than the Kanes, so you ignored her (like you wouldn't have if you had no evidence at all… yeah right)._

_Instead of listening to her, you just interrupted and smirked. "Why don't you go see the Wizard, Mars? Ask him for some help minding your own damn business."_

_For a second, she looked ready to cry, and you had to laugh, because your only other option was to join her in tears._

_But your laugh saved her. Her head snapped up, and she glared at you._

_"My best friend was _murdered_! And all you can do is fucking allude to the Wizard of fucking Oz? Maybe _you're_ the one who needs to see the Wizard, Lamb. Ask him for a heart."_

_It was ironic, really, that she chose that particular barb. There was no possible way that she'd actually thought it would hurt you, not with the person you'd let her think you'd become, yet she chose it anyway. And adding to the irony?_

_Of all possible things she could have said, this was the one that hurt the most._

_Because Mandi used to have nightmares about the Tin Man. He was her least favorite character. You found her diary two months after her death, and upon reading it, realized that this was what she called your father. And at the time, you couldn't help but agree. _

_Now it just makes you sick to think about it, and every time you hear Veronica mutter your new nickname under her breath, you choke on the bile._

90909

You make it back to Neptune, and you are relived. A little too soon, it would seem, when she freaks out the next morning and runs away. You and Logan find her, of course – you found her in fucking _Texas_, you'll find her on the goddamn beach – but not before she gets burnt to a crisp.

You really wish she'd been wearing more than shorts and tank top when she left, but once you see how red she is, you just start wishing she hadn't left.

You rush her to the hospital, and use your badge to get her in quickly. She's given fluids and a bath, and sent home with several prescriptions.

That night is the only night Logan waits to give her the pain medication until she asks for it. She wakes up screaming for her father to help, that she's in here, and you don't know what 'in here' means, but then Wallace explains to you about her face-off with Aaron Echolls, and your blood boils with anger and guilt and shame.

Logan goes into her room to comfort her, and it's quiet for a mere second before the screaming starts again, this time more heart-wrenchingly terrible than before. You and Wallace exchange a glance and rush to the bedroom.

Veronica is wrapped in Logan's arms on the bed, rocking herself and sobbing "He'd dead, he's dead!"

You barely manage to make it to the toilet.

90909

_Your first foster father was a quiet, sad man, who never really smiled. His own wife and little boy had been killed in a car accident only a few years before, and he never really got over losing them. Fostering was something his wife had wanted to do, back when they were younger, and much happier, and they'd registered and finished the process not long after their own son's third birthday. They fostered two little girls before you, but the girls ended up back with their own parents, and you don't ask about them anymore after that, because thinking about them makes you see red on the carpet, and you've never been able to clean it up._

_You were the third child he'd fostered on his own, the other two had also been teen boys, and both stayed with him until they turned 18 and aged out. One boy, the most recent, still visited the man, but the other lived overseas, and called and wrote, but had no way to come back._

_Both boys tried to console you, but you shrugged it off. You missed Mandi. You wanted Mandi back. And for the first time since you were ten, you cried yourself to sleep, asking for your mother._

_You didn't get either one._

_You were by far, the hardest case your social worker had ever had. You were also the most difficult child your foster father (call me George, that'll make it easier on us both) had ever had._

_One night, after you got sent to bed early because you were fighting at school again, he came into your room and sat by the bed._

_"What do you want, Donald? What is it that you want from your life?"_

_You could only think of one thing, and it probably made you an asshole to say it, but hey, he asked you. "I want my sister back."_

_He snorted, but it wasn't mean or derisive. It was full of aching sadness, a grief only a parent who's lost a child could understand, and you thought it was a grief similar enough to your own for you to get him._

_"Maybe you should ask the Wizard, Donald. Because if he can't bring them back, no one can."_

_It was a joke, one between him and his dead 7 year old son. Something about the boy being obsessed with the Wizard of Oz, and always insisting on asking the Wizard for anything he wanted._

_A child's joke spoken in grief and comfort that burned a hole in your chest._

_And, apparently, in George's chest too, because that night, he had a heart attack, and you were moved to a new home. They never told you whether or not he lived._

_You never do find out who exactly the Wizard was supposed to be._

90909

When Logan Echolls calls you early in the morning, you already know it's because of Veronica. And you know this, because you've already woken up, and it's thundering outside, and nothing ever goes well for you when there's thunder.

It was storming the day your sister died, and the first time your father hit your mother, and the day your mother killed herself, and the night the only foster parent you ever loved had a heart attack (you still don't know whether he survived that or not). And since this is SoCal, and that was SoCal, the night Veronica Mars tries to kill herself on Dog Beach is about the fifth time you've ever seen it storm in your life (sometimes you wonder if it's really six… did it storm the first time your father went into Mandi's bed?)

But this is a thought you quickly shake off, in favor of finding Veronica, and stopping whatever is about to happen to her. Which you already know isn't something good, but when you get the second call from Wallace, telling you that Keith's gun and Veronica's pills are missing, you nearly break the gas pedal in your old crown vic.

Logan is wrapping her up in a dry coat when you reach them; apparently she'd decided to take a swim. You see the empty pill bottle and almost empty bottle of alcohol, and can't stop the exclamation from passing your lips.

You barely make it to the hospital in time, and this isn't something you wanted the doctors to tell you, whether or not it was true.

The thought of losing her makes you shake, because you already knows what it feels like to lose your baby sister.

90909

_You made it a point not to tell people about your family. Hardly anyone knew anything about your past, and this included Veronica. Her father, however, had seen your file. You knew it, and he knew you knew, but it wasn't something that really came up a lot between you. Before he hired you, he mentioned it exactly once, and then it was only one single question._

_"Don Lamb… are you going to let past experience with abusive parents color your judgment when we're in the field?"_

_"Not at all, sir,"_

_And that was that._

_Some nights, you tried to tell yourself that this was the reason you didn't believe Jake Kane had anything to do with Lilly's death. You liked to believe that you were so clouded by your _lack_ of judgment that you betrayed the only father you'd ever have, and the new sister you'd been given._

_But really, you knew better. Part of it was peer pressure and part of it was that you really thought Keith Mars had lost it._

_Mostly, though? It didn't really matter what your reasons were. They would never be good enough for the people who mattered._

90909

She is on life support for 27 hours, and it's the longest 27 hours of your life. You drag Logan back to the apartment to bathe and change, while Leo watches her and a nurse makes sure she stays under while you're gone.

After you get back (less than an hour later), you and Logan stay by her side, talking to her, and praying to a god neither of you have believed in for quite some time, that she will be okay.

She survives, and when they take her off the machines, and she breathes on her own, the weight that's lifted off your shoulders stuns you.

Then they wean her off of the medication again, and the nightmares start. It's like a knife in your gut every time she whimpers "Daddy!" and neither you nor Logan can wake or console her.

And for two days, she floats between consciousness and her own nightmare realm, and all you can do is watch her and whisper the same damn platitudes that never worked before.

On the third day, she opens her eyes.

90909

_The day the bus crashed, all you can think of is Veronica. You want to see her, safe and sound, and preferably laughing at you for believing her latest hoax._

_But when you arrive on scene, she's not among the students and you get worried._

_Then the Navarro kid approaches you, looking mildly amused, and that pisses you off already. But not more than the fact that he obviously can read you so damn well, as is evidenced by his next statement._

_"She's in the limo… the driver and Kane decided it was a bad idea to let the girls stay out here and watch everything. A couple of them passed out, got all hysterical."_

_You knew without asking that Veronica wasn't one of those. But you also knew she'd be taking it hard. You wanted to ask him, but you didn't want to waste anymore time finding her, so you ran to the limo, and ordered everyone out. One of the deputies took down names, and your team would visit them each later. But right then, you needed to talk to Veronica. Despite Liam's order, you needed to know she was okay._

_You climbed into the limo, a little peeved that Veronica also seemed to know you well enough that she knew not to get out. But before you could say anything to her, she groaned and rolled her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose._

_Instantly, you were on alert, trying to see evidence of bruises or cuts in the shade of the limo. There was nothing, and just as you heaved a sigh of relief, she started talking._

_"Dammit, Lamb, no I had nothing to do with this! Just because –"_

_"Because what, Veronica?" you asked, cruelly. "Because trouble follows you around like a love-sick puppy? Because every time anything criminal happens in this town, it seems to revolve around you and your narrow escapes? Maybe you really do need to go see the Wizard, Veronica. Ask him how the fuck to stay out of trouble!"_

_Once you knew she was okay, you were angry. The adrenaline rush coupled with her swift attack, and added to that the fact that you couldn't even get angry at her for either one, left you reeling._

_But then you realized where you were and who you were talking to, and you waited for her to retaliate, to hit you with a zinger that would make you clutch your chest and gasp._

_But for the longest moment, she is silent. Then, as soon as she opens her mouth, you interrupt her. _

_"Go home, Veronica. Someone will be by to take your statement within the week."_

_With a wry, angry smile, she nodded and climbed from the vehicle._

_"Sure thing, Tin Man."_

_And you sat on your hands so you didn't grab at your aching chest._

90909

Almost as soon as her little body is ready to handle it, you and Logan arrange for a vacation. You and the Fennels and Logan will take her out on his yacht for ten days, and after that, everything will magically get better. You're personally not so certain about the second part of this plan, but you think it's better than nothing, so you just nod.

But as Logan carries her onto the boat, and you see the look in her tired eyes, and it looks enough like hope for you to believe, if only for a second, that everything will be okay.


	3. The Way to End the Pain

Hearts Of Lions and Metal Men

90909

_When she was 8, Mandi got burned. Your father pushed her towards the fireplace, and she stumbled and fell in, just enough to get 3__rd__ degree burns on her little knee. You told the doctors you were chasing her and she fell. Your father smiled proudly at you as he told them how you called him immediately, and on the way home you both got ice-cream. But Mandi was in so much pain, and her wound had to be debrieded every morning, a task your father couldn't be bothered to learn, so it fell to you._

_Three months later, you were still obsessing over fire, and purposely stuck your arm on the furnace, holding it there until your burn was as bad as your sister's had been. You don't remember the lie your father told the doctors this time, but you remembered the pain of the debridement. Your father learned it this time, because he said he wouldn't trust 'that girl' with your life._

_You hated him, but took your punishment without complaint. But it was the first time in your short life you could remember him being right about something._

_As he left your room after the first session, he turned back to you._

_"It was stupid of you to try to be a martyr."_

90909

It goes like this. Veronica wakes up, and starts to cry immediately, because she already knows what's coming. You've given her a dose of pain medication two hours ago, to give it time to take effect, but by now she always wakes up before you start anyway. She tries to squirm away instinctively, screaming in pain even before you touch her.

Logan has learned to lay beside her, his upper body on top of hers, his legs pinning hers to the bed while you unwrap the saline dressings from around her shredded feet. With the dressing comes the dead skin, and as it pulls away from her body, it carries some of the healthy skin with it. This causes her the most pain.

You know. You remember.

You try to be as gentle as possible, and as the days pass, you've gotten better at it, and you can tell it doesn't hurt as much as it did when you first started. But you're sure she'll be relieved to know that after this, you only have to use the saline dressings twice a week. Other than that, you'll be wrapping her wounds in lotion and soft, dry gauze.

By the time you are done, and have examined her feet for infection, and applied the lotion and rewrapped them, she has worn herself out sobbing and pleading with you to stop, and your heart breaks a little, so you gently rub her calves; something you'd discovered early on calmed her and helped relieve the pain and jitters that came with it.

When she has stopped sobbing, you place a half-dose of pain medicine on the nightstand, along with a glass of water, leaving Logan to hold her and comfort her until she falls asleep.

90909

_For months after you called Veronica's rape a bluff, you were jumpy and nervous, constantly looking over your shoulder for Keith's gun in your face._

_Then, when nothing happened, you were overcome with confusion and something like relief. You even let yourself think that maybe Keith knew about the Fitzpatrick's threat. _

_You were so naïve. So stupid._

_So innocent._

_It wasn't long after you let your guard down that you realized the truth. Veronica just hadn't told her father. You wanted to believe it had something to do with the sibling-like camaraderie you'd developed, but even you weren't stupid enough to believe that sort of superficial relationship could transcend the way you betrayed her._

_It took you another four months to realize what this meant._

_With all the emotional torture, all the flat tires, all the jeers from Logan and his crowd… all the names they called her, all the abuse… they even fucking _raped _her…_

_But the person who managed to break her?_

_Was you._

90909

When you take your turn keeping her company, you're not sure what you expect, but you don't really expect her to be happy to see you. She's been awkward and unsure of herself in a painful way ever since you interviewed her back at the Neptune Grande, and you really wish you could say something to soothe her, but the truth is, _you're_ not even sure what's going on between the two of you. This isn't the easy relationship of sister and brother you'd had with her when she was a child; you've been the demon under her bed for far too long to just settle back into that, and you've both lost far too much. You're not the same people you were four years ago.

You're not the same people you were four _weeks_ ago, and honestly, you're pretty sure with recent events, you're not even the same people you were four _days_ ago. The change in you is more subtle, something you've been working on for months, at least. The change in Veronica is much more pronounced, definitely more obvious to those who surround her.

And what a sickening change it is, too. Whereas you are changing, morphing into something more, something infinitely _better_, Veronica's metamorphosis reminds you of a butterfly crawling back into its cocoon, rending and tearing at its own wings in attempt to fit into the place where it was once warm and safe.

She reminds you of the worst version of the little girl you used to read bedtime stories to, the one who got the worst of every world thrown at her a thousand-fold, and you only want to hold her and prove to her that it doesn't have to be this way; that she can be happy again, that people do love her. But you can't. You're not allowed to do that anymore, not when you're the one that hammered in the first real nail, the one to kiss her cheek to mark her for her enemies.

So when she can't seem to trust you at all, you don't blame her.

But you will spend your life making it up to her, if you can.

90909

_Most mornings, you walked Mandi to school. You were 15, and she was 11, and you were both beyond the age where it was cool to be seen with your siblings. But you didn't care, because the other option was to let your father take her, and that usually meant her walking alone._

_You didn't live in a bad neighborhood, but there were enough druggies and pimps between your house and the middle school for you to refuse to consider this._

_But that morning, Mandi was sick. Usually, you tried to stay and take care of her when she felt ill, but that day, you had a test – one you'd been studying for all week. So Mandi told you to go. Your father even seemed genuine in his care that morning, towards the sick little girl._

_It should have been sweet._

_It made you nervous._

_And all you could think, eight hours later, staring down at your sister's lifeless body beside the stairs, was that you should have known better._

_You _had _known better. You'd just been too selfish to listen to the niggling voice in the back of your mind._

90909

When you hear Logan calling Veronica's name frantically, your heart stops, and for several minutes, you think she's gotten swept over the edge. Then you find her, curled up behind the cabin wall, in a space so tiny only she would be able to fit, and you call Logan. It's his boat. He'd better know what the hell to do.

For two whole minutes – the longest two of your life – you try to soothe her with your words, but she is inconsolable. You think she might not even know she is crying.

But then Logan is there, and he manages to squeeze in next to her, and gives her some pain pills, and she makes it out.

By the end of the trip, you've taken care of her broken little body so often that she just can't hold her grudge anymore.

She even manages to forgive you for beating her at Clue, and if that's not a sign, you don't know what is.

90909

_You dreamed of walking Mandi down the aisle. After you found out that your father wasn't fond of her, you and she made a pact that you'd always be there to fulfill the roles he left empty in her life._

_Her first love was Donald Duck, and you barely managed to hold in your laughter when she told you she'd marry him one day._

_You didn't have any trouble holding it in, when, years later, little Veronica Mars informed you that one day she'd get married to Donald Duck, or at least to Kenny Houseman, that kid from her school (personally, you thought the cartoon duck had better taste)._

90909

5 years later

90909

The day she asks you to give her away, you're certain you locked your door. And this confuses you, when you get back from lunch to Veronica Mars sitting in your living room.

You'd tried to pick those locks. And failed. It just isn't fair that she's this good at this stuff.

"How did you get in here?" you ask, dumbfounded.

She only smirks.

"Magic," she says, simply.

Then, after a moment to enjoy your look of confusion, she shrugs and adds, "also, the door was unlocked."

You smile at her and shake your head. "So, what did you come in here for, Mars?"

She's suddenly shy, looking anywhere but you, and biting her lower lip. But the most disturbing thing is that she looks ready to cry.

"Hey," you say, trying to shake her out of it, "What is it? What's wrong?"

"I just… I needed to ask a favor, and I didn't think it would be this hard…"

"Take your time, Veronica."

"I need… Logan proposed, last night… as I'm sure you know."

You nod. The boy had asked you ahead of time, since you'd become something of a father figure – wait… of course.

"And you were wondering if I would walk you down the aisle?" you supply, not making her say it. The reminder that her father is gone is probably too much for her.

She nods at you, wiping her still streaming eyes, and then she's in your arms.

You hold her close and whisper to her "I'd be honored, Veronica. And honey? Your father would be so proud of you, of who you are now."

She wipes her eyes again, and looks up at you.

"Really?" and there's so much hope in her voice that you mentally curse yourself for not telling her this much more often.

"Definitely. You know, he used to talk about who you'd be some day. About how you'd probably grow up and glare some poor boy into submission, and then he'd have to give you away…"

You spend the rest of the afternoon with her, telling stories of times long past.

Of the man who made both of you who you'd become.


	4. The Heart of a Lion

Hearts of Lions and Metal Men

90909

15 years later

90909

You've been sick for quite some time, but you've been afraid to tell them about it, because despite what she says, Veronica is still quite the fragile little thing. You wouldn't want to scare her over nothing.

So you decided not to tell anyone about the cancer until you were sure there was nothing you could do about it.

Then, you were waiting for the right time.

Now it seems the choice has been made for you.

You wake in a hospital bed, with Logan and Veronica standing over you, Logan holding her shaking form close to him, and both glaring at you.

"What's the haps?" you try, weakly.

It doesn't get the desired effect from either of them.

Logan continues to glare, albeit awkwardly, and Veronica breaks down in tears.

"Why didn't you tell us?" she sobs, letting Logan turn her so she's buried her face in his chest.

You sigh.

"There wasn't anything the doctors could do, Veronica. We caught it too late. And I didn't need you stressed out about me, not when you've got enough to worry about already."

You know they see the logic in your statement; no one needed Veronica under any more stress while she gave birth to her third child three years ago, around the same time you were diagnosed. And after that, she's been so stressed taking care of little Lynn that no one has dared give her bad news. The little girl had so many health problems as a baby that people were scared she wouldn't make it, and not long after her second birthday, Veronica had a miscarriage, and had been in a rather fragile state ever since.

She doesn't want to agree with you, so you stop arguing, choosing instead to ask where your little god-babies are.

There are three. Daniel, the oldest, is eight, and his two sisters, Anna (after Logan's grandmother), and Lynn, are six and three respectively.

Little Lynn, who never sits still, is the first to make it on to your bead. Daniel and Anna are right behind her.

You smile at the little gifts from heaven. It took Logan and Veronica so long to get pregnant. They had to go to more doctors than you've ever seen in your life, and after diagnosing Veronica with PID, and scarring on her ovaries, they decided to adopt. So they got Daniel from a nearby agency, and Anna from an orphanage in Romania, and then, after they'd decided two was enough, little Lynn was born.

She was the little miracle baby that the doctors told them they'd never have. And they almost didn't. Veronica come close to losing Lynn on several occasions, even after being put on strict bed rest for the duration of the pregnancy.

And once the baby was born, she had all sorts of health problems, from low birth weight to severe anemia. You can't count the number of times Veronica called you crying because Lynn was in the hospital again.

You can't count the number of times you wished it had been you on that goddamn plane. Keith would have known how to comfort her through all the trips to the doctors over the past several years. You doubt anything you said to her was remotely close to what she needed to hear, but they seemed content to let you believe it was.

90909

_"Hey Veronica, what's the haps?" you asked, walking into her kitchen. You didn't know what was going on with her, but Logan told you that she needed to talk to you, and wouldn't ask you herself._

_All you knew was that she'd been to the doctor more in the last year than she ever had in her entire life. And she wouldn't tell you why. You'd managed to keep calm about it; to not crowd her or insist on answers, but now you were getting worried._

_And when she broke down in response to your simple question, you fought back your own panic, taking her in your arms._

_"What is it, honey, what's going on?"_

_And she told you. About all the doctors, all the second opinions, all the people she'd had to let poke her and prod at her, and all for this same answer. _

_She couldn't have kids._

_It would be a miracle if she ever got pregnant, and another miracle if she carried the baby to term._

_The biggest miracle would be if she didn't die giving birth._

_You didn't know what to do. You didn't know what to say._

_It took you three weeks to come up with a solution._

_She was laying on the couch, watching the blank TV screen when you went to see her, and she didn't even hear you knock. You used your key to get in, and rushed to her side, taking her hands in your own, and chafing them lightly to bring her back to your world._

_"Veronica, honey? Sit up, talk to me for a bit."_

_Dully, she obeyed. Dully is the best way to describe everything about her since she'd gotten the news._

_You pulled her to your chest, and held her tight for just a few moments._

_"I know this is a touchy subject, Veronica, but have you considered adoption? There's a lot of kids out there that need parents."_

_It was such a simple, obvious thing, that you half-expected her to slap you. But when her long silence brought your eyes to her face, you saw that she was looking at you like you were a genius._

_"We… we could adopt!"_

_And then her face broke into a smile, and she kissed you lightly on the cheek, and ran to get her cell phone, giggling._

_A year and a half later, they went to Los Angeles to get Daniel Keith Echolls._

90909

The kids call you Uncle Don. You are Uncle Don, and they have their Uncle Wallace and Aunt Sarah and Uncle Darryl and Aunt Gracie, and Nana 'Licia, and Mommy and Daddy, and Uncle Dick and Aunt Mac, and Uncle Eli, who's bringing Aunt Maris and the cousins over to play with them tomorrow…

At least according to Anna. You could be wrong; her sense of time is always a little off. Tomorrow could mean next week or yesterday. But you smile and nod like the dutiful uncle you are, not bothering to tell her that you already know exactly who her family members are. You're not quite listening to her litany; you already know it by heart, and frankly, you're getting tired. But that's to be expected.

You have been in the hospital for a week, and you're not getting any better.

You knew this. You haven't been getting any better for quite some time.

Veronica's taking it hard; she always takes losing someone hard. When Deputy Sachs was killed in the line of duty, she took it very hard, even though she wasn't as close to the man as she was to some.

Yesterday, the doctors told you that the treatments had stopped working altogether, and you opted not to try the newest experimental drugs.

You were long overdue for some peace.

Not that you didn't love it here with your family, but in all honesty, you were ready to see Keith and Sachs again.

And Mandi. You were beyond ready to see her again.

You're just not sure how to leave these people you've grown to love behind.

90909

_"Veronica, are you sure you're okay? You're really pale sweetie," Alicia said. You and the Fennel's were helping Veronica with some shopping, and then you'd be taking Darryl and Daniel out to watch the game._

_But you weren't happy about leaving Veronica. She'd been so sick in the past month that she ended up passing the reigns of the Balboa county PD to Leo. She'd seemed to be doing better, but now? She belonged in a hospital._

_You didn't have any more time to dwell on it though, because in the next second, Veronica fell to the ground, and you dove forward to catch her little body._

_She didn't wake up until she was in the hospital, where the doctor told you that she was already 4 months pregnant, and needed to take it easy for the next five months, when they'd do a C-section._

_Part of you was relieved and part of you was terrified to tell Veronica that she had to stay in bed until the baby was born._

_You just got her to stop hating you, you didn't want her to start again._

90909

Your periods of lucidity grow less, and the time you spend in a dreamworld with swirls of love ones lost grow.

One day, you open up your eyes to Veronica standing over you.

Logan is beside her, and all around you are the people you love. Your whole family.

"You know what you need to do, baby," you hear Logan tell his sobbing wife.

_Veronica, don't cry. I'll always love you._

She nods and puts on her brave-little-toaster smile, and reaches out to squeeze your hand.

"I want you to stay here, Don. With us. With me. But – there's someone waiting for you… and I think you need to be with her again. So – go."

And it's like a spell is broken. You don't think about how Veronica knew about Mandi, you don't think about much of anything.

You're suddenly in front of a gate attached to a white picket fence, and a young woman and a blond little girl are running from a beach house to greet you.

And you smile.

"Mandi."

You pick her up in your ethereal arms, and it's like no time has passed since you last saw her.

Your mother embraces you both.

"Welcome home, Lion." The little girl giggles.

You're not the tin man anymore.

"You've always had a lion's heart."


	5. Dorothy: Mandi's POV

**Mandi's Chapter**

**90909**

You love your older brother, more than anything in the world. You always have. You're pretty sure you popped out of your mother's womb and started screaming because you wanted your big brother to hold you.

And you remember trusting him, even when you couldn't trust anyone else in the world. He was the only one who could scare away the monsters in your closet, even when the monster was your own father.

**90909**

Your mother is the first person you manage to forgive. It happens naturally, without you even really thinking about it. It happens even before you begin to realize that you are dead. You are simply alone on a beach, and there is a house in the distance that you haven't yet visited, because you don't really care to. But the moment you forgive her, you meet a companion, a silent little boy with sad brown eyes.

The after-life looks different for everyone, you assume, but for you, and several others, it is here, a simple beach house and sun and waves. You and a little boy with brown eyes spend most days chasing each other and picking up seashells. One day, the boy brings you to a spot on the pier, and when you look down, you are not looking into the water, but through the clouds, and you can see your brother. It is confusing, and you miss him so very much.

It takes you two earth years to figure out that you are really and truly dead, and three more to realize what this means.

By the time you've done this math, you've been joined by an old woman who introduces herself as your great-grandmother, and your third-grade English teacher. The three of you and the sad little boy eat dinner together on what you think is every Sunday.

It's not much, but you think it might be enough, for now.

**90909**

It is funny, but around the time Donny saves that Veronica girl from herself, you realized that you've forgiven your father. It's still weird to you. A strange feeling, not hating someone after hating them for so long.

After this, you don't feel the urge to spend all your time watching your brother, and you spend more time with the people around you. There is a beautiful woman named Lynn here, and after a while, you meet the man who was Veronica's father, the man who became a father of sorts to your brother. You thank him, and he smiles, but spends most of his time staring off the pier into the other world, watching his daughter. He is a nice man, and it's a shame he died.

A girl named Lilly and another girl called Meg visit you often, and sometimes you wish there were more people here your own age to play with, but then it doesn't matter, because you mature just as you would in life.

The little boy with brown eyes never speaks, and it takes you most of Donny's life to figure out who he is. A small boy named Finley Fitzpatrick, who died in his mother's womb. You ask him who he watches one day, and he merely points to a puddle where you see an unhappy girl with blond hair.

'Molly,' he tells you 'She's my sister.'

That's the only time you ever hear his voice.

The boy's mother has joined you here, and she doesn't watch anybody. You are scared to ask her about this.

After some years, a young man named Sachs joins your crew, and he doesn't really watch anyone either, though some days he sits with Keith and watches Veronica. He doesn't talk to you much, but he is kind, and tells you that your brother misses you.

You know this. You can see him.

But you do not see your mother, and you can't imagine why. But you will wait. Forever is a long time, and you have always been patient.

The day you realize that you still have one person to forgive is the day that same person dies, and that same day, you manage to forgive your brother for not always being there to save you. It was not his fault.

And that day, two people are returned to you.

You meet your mother just hours before the two of you wait beside the gate for Donny, and when you welcome him in to the beach house, there are hugs and kisses the likes of which you never saw in your life.

That night, there is laughter in the beach house, and no one yells or hates, and for once, no one has to watch the ocean for signs of the loved ones they left behind.

And it is funny. It took all of your life, and Donny's and even some of your respective deaths.

But now?

You think you're finally happy.

**90909**

**The End (really)  
**


End file.
